PITTSBURGH - This news source has learned that former Pittsburgh Steeler head coach Bill Cowher spent several agonizing days pondering his football future at his North Carolina Fortress of Solitude last week. The coach constructed his massive ice structure during the off season and his desire to spend time there contemplating the mysteries of the universe was an issue for the team most of last season.
Negotiations between team representatives and Coach Cowher’s agent stalled after Cowher rejected suggestions that he fly counter to the rotation of the earth at twice the speed of light in order to reach a point where he could pull Ricardo Colclough out of the lineup earlier in the season. “Is it tempting? Absolutely,” stated a subdued coach Cowher, “but with Ricardo, how far back do you go? The Oakland game? Draft day? At the end of the day, playing fast and loose with the laws of physics, you know, altering time, space – just isn’t good for the game.”
