"WE LOOKED GOOD IN PRACTICE," SAID PRIME MINISTER AL-MALIKI, "BUT WHEN IT CAME TIME TO DO IT, WE JUST WEREN'T EXECUTING."
NEW YORK - Following the botched execution of Saddam Hussein and the accidental beheading of his half-brother, Barzan Ibrahim, the Iraqi execution team dropped from #3 to #8 in the AP Execution top 25, and from #3 to #11 in the ESPN/USA Today Poll. Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki explained: "It's disappointing. We had a good week of practice, no tauntings, no beheadings. We looked sharp. But when it came time to do it, we went out and got our heads handed to us. We just weren't executing, so to speak." Al-Maliki refused to say if there would be any changes in the make-up of the team. "I'm not going to make any judgments until I get a good look at the film."
Prior to the U.S. invasion, the Iraqis had been a perennial powerhouse in worldwide executions, typically battling China, Somalia and North Korea for the top spot. It was ranked #1 in most pre-season polls this year. Analysts say that American coaching may be responsible for the Iraqis' problems. "Executions are a whole different sport in America," said ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit. "Americans are strong in the electric chair and the lethal injection events but the man-on-the-rope play hasn't been their strong suit since the early 20th Century." Most commentators feel that the team's performance could be enhanced by bringing back one or more pre-war coaches to work with the team on fundamentals.
