PITTSBURGH RAISES NEW YEAR'S BALL INSTEAD OF DROPPING IT

PITTSBURGH - Pittsburgh ushered in the new year by raising a giant, thousand-pound, glowing ball nicknamed "The Future of Pittsburgh" atop a 74-foot flagpole on the Highmark building, directly above the landmark Hornes Christmas tree.

The ball wasn’t dropped as it is in New York's Times Square because city health officials feared that would trigger post-traumatic stress flashbacks among Pirates fans.

Mayor Ravenstahl had a simpler explanation: "We decided to take what’s worked perfectly well for as long as anyone can remember in a big honkin', vibrant city like New York and do the exact the opposite."

Former Mayor Sophie Masloff said that "this is the biggest ball raised in Pittsburgh since Big Ben put on his jock."