PITTSBURGH - Port Authority Chief Executive Officer Steve Bland spoke out against what he claimed were “unfounded and unfair” remarks made about him at a series of hearings held this week to discuss proposed cuts in mass transit. Bland said he never agreed to endure hours of verbal abuse heaped upon him by angry, frustrated members of the general public. “I was under the impression I was going to a celebrity roast in my honor,” said Mr. Bland. “I knew from the beginning something was amiss when an elderly African-American male took to the podium and delivered a blistering indictment of our standard business practices, and the philosophical underpinnings of our policies.” Mr. Bland said the ferocity of the gentleman’s harangue left him momentarily stunned. “Hold on a minute,” said Bland. “You’ re not Slappy White!” Mr. Bland said this further inflamed the man, who had to be escorted from the room by security.
Mr. Bland said he regrets subjecting himself to so many insults. “I had so much material prepared for my rebuttal,” he said. “I had about thirty-five minutes of sure-fire comic gold. Hundreds of jokes at the expense of the aged, infirmed, and indigent. I would have killed.” Mr. Bland said lawyers for the Port Authority advised him “at the last minute” to abort his act. “It’s too bad,” he said. “Joey Bishop gave me some great stuff.”
