PITTSBURGH - The Pittsburgh Steelers will interview an obnoxious season ticket-holder to fill their vacant head coach position, sources inside the club revealed today. The man, who remains anonymous, was ushered into the Steelers office on the South Side yesterday. One side of his face was painted all black. The other side of his face was painted all yellow. He was not wearing a shirt. According to one source close to the situation, the team was flooded with phone-calls and emails recommending this particular individual for the job almost immediately after former Coach Bill Cowher announced his resignation last Friday. "Everyone who sits near him in the stadium told us this fellow knows everything there is to know about the game of football,” he said. “Even better, he’s been offering instruction to our team for years, free of charge, from his lofty perch high atop Heinz Field, so he clearly has the lung capacity for the job.” One of the letters, obtained by this news source, claims that the loud-mouth fan in line for the head coaching job “can’t let one play go by without bellowing his opinion on what just transpired.”
When asked if the team had considered the possibility that the unsolicited show of support was an attempt to trick the Steelers into removing this person from Section 515 and placing him in a position where he would be exposed, once and for all, as a boorish simpleton, the official conceded the possibility. “However,” he added, “we have an obligation to explore every option before making our decision.”
