NON-BINDING RESOLUTION COVERS MUCH GROUND

WASHINGTON -- After a contentious debate, the House on Friday passed a non-binding resolution rebuking President Bush's decision to send 20,000 additional troops to Iraq. Lawmakers from both parties used the high-profile resolution as an opportunity to tack on numerous non-binding riders to the resolution.

One proposed rider labeling Bush as "a weenie" was defeated; however, a compromise rider calling the president a "chucklehead" passed with 17 Republicans crossing party lines to support it. Debate on another rider lending support to the troops serving in Iraq turned heated when some Democratic lawmakers wanted to specify the precise manner in which Congress supported the troops. Republicans countered that if such detail were spelled out in the resolution, it likely would encourage the insurgency. In the end, lawmakers agreed to add a non-binding platitude, rather than a non-binding resolution, simply stating, "Way to go, soldier!"

Another rider sponsored by Democrats called for a "sugar surge" to boost the sugar and caffeine levels in the diets of troops serving in Iraq, thereby increasing soldier productivity and eliminating the necessity of an actual troop surge. The rider was stalled, however, as Congress was deadlocked over whether to provide the troops with Hostess Ho-Ho's or Dolly Madison Zingers. A compromise rider calling for Ding-Dongs was scheduled for debate on Monday morning.