LONDON - President Jimmy Carter met with Prime Minister Tony Blair this morning to offer assistance in securing the release of fifteen British sailors being held hostage by Iran. Speaking to reporters outside No. 10 Downing Street, Carter sounded optimistic that his intervention would bring a speedy resolution to the crisis. “Even though the Iranian people spent three years hanging, or burning me in effigy on a daily basis, I’m willing to let bygones be bygones. I’m sure they feel the same way. After all, I’m no longer just a highly visible symbol of American weakness in the face of Iranian aggression, I’m a Nobel Peace Prize Winner. When I confront the Iranian captors of these British sailors with the awesome moral authority bestowed upon me with the Nobel Peace Prize" – at this point, Carter reached underneath his shirt to reveal the Nobel Peace Prize hanging around his neck, attached to a gold chain – "they will see the error of their ways.”
When a reporter asked if he was concerned the Iranians wouldn’t be willing to take him hostage, Carter dismissed the question. “Just look at how far the Republic of Iran has progressed since I left office. Twenty-five years ago, Iran was a repressive theocracy run by a madman. And today . . .” Carter said, before he abruptly stopped speaking.
Prime Minister Blair interrupted the awkward silence by offering his gratitude for President Carter’s gracious suggestions. “President Carter has recommended an extended period of hand-wringing as the most effective way to bring this matter to a close,” said Blair. “Failing that, the President thinks our best option would be a daring, night-time helicopter rescue, preferably attempted in a blinding sandstorm.” Both men agreed that having James Bond around would make a situation like this much easier.
