WASHINGTON, DC – The Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI), which made headlines 15 years ago when it listed high levels of fat and sodium in popular Chinese food dishes, has released an updated report that finds nothing has changed. “Sodium, fat and calories remain unconscionably high,” CSPI nutrition director Bonnie Liebman said. “When is America going to wake up?”Local restaurant owner Bradleys Roadhouse laughed at the question. “America doesn’t want to wake up,” he said. “When I heard about their new report, my first thought was, ‘I could go for some kung pao chicken right now.’” Apparently many other people had the same thought, as Chinese restaurants nationwide reported a surge in business last Wednesday.
Roadhouse, who dismissively calls CSPI “the food police,” continued ranting. “I have news for them: fat tastes good. Salt really wakes up flavors. I know those do-gooders also criticized Italian food and movie popcorn, but you didn’t see anyone cutting back on those, either.”
“Really, wouldn’t you rather come to my restaurant and have a nice, juicy steak and an overstuffed potato? Their idea of a good time is probably trying seven different kinds of hummus. I’d rather risk having a heart attack than eat that way.”
Ms. Liebman admits CSPI faces an uphill battle trying to change the nation’s eating habits. “It’s discouraging when no one listens to us, and sometimes I feel like I should go have a few drinks. But then I remember the empty calories and lack of nutrients in alcohol, and I pop open a can of soy milk instead.”
Said Roadhouse in response: “I rest my case.”
