WASHINGTON, D.C. - Surgeon General Dr. Satcher, pictured here during a recent visit to Walter Reed Medical Center, will launch an emergency investigation of the memory loss epidemic that has swept the Justice Department and Executive Branch.

"I've never seen anything like this," said Dr. Satcher. "In a very short time, everyone at the Justice Department has lost the ability to remember any details whatsoever about this federal attorney business. Even more troubling, the symptoms quickly spread to the White House. Dramatic, rapid memory loss of this type is a sure sign of neurological distress."

The Surgeon General's office has requested assistance from the CDC to determine if quarantine will be necessary to curb the epidemic. The agencies plan to jointly establish mobile testing facilities including CAT scan equipment at the Justice department on Monday to begin searching for the cause of the epidemic.

White House spokesman Tony Snow said he thought testing of staff was a good idea, "as long as polygraphs are not involved."