Mother Frangelica: A reading from the letter of Paul Steigerwald to the Corinthians.

In the beginning Caesar Rendell issued a proclamation that there would be no new taxes for an arena but he would miraculously pull the money out of his enormous ass [aside] of course, in the Bible, “ass” means “donkey.”

And, lo, the earthly work of Mario Lemieux, the savior of hockey in Pittsburgh, was finished, and he was lifted up into a cloud. And behold, two men in white garments told the fans: “This Mario has been taken into heaven.”

And the fans asked them if they were angels. And they said, “No, we’re escaped inmates from the hospital for the criminally insane.”

Listen to Mother's talk as part of this newscast.