BLACKSBURG, Va. - A forensic psychiatrist with the FBI's national Crime Laboratory has issued a preliminary report into Virginia Tech gunman Cho Seung-Hui, based on a review of tapes the mass killer sent to NBC news.
"This is just a mean little prick," said Dr. Harold Gunderson. "He rants and raves about terrible things that were done to him. But you know what? It just looks like he was a self-absorbed, pity obsessed little dipshit. Thank God nobody has to deal with him." Dr. Gunderson's analysis was seconded by a paper issued by a team of researchers at Johns Hopkins Medical School who said Cho was likely suffering "not enough at all" in the tapes and suggested that "sometimes there are evil little bastards who do horrible things. What's the big mystery here? Hasn't anybody ever heard of Stalin?"
The findings prompted the cancellation of a planned radio broadcast of Cho's play "Richard McBeef." A spokesman for the High Horse Arts Theatre of the Air said the organization has rethought its earlier conclusion that the play is the work of a tormented genius. "Turns out it does suck," said High Horse artistic director Clyde St. Pierre. "My initial instincts were correct. I feel better, but I know I shouldn't."