FOOD SCIENTISTS REVERSE-ENGINEER CLOSELY GUARDED NEW FORMULA, DETERMINE IT IS TWO PARTS HYDROGEN TO ONE PART OXYGEN
ATLANTA - Twenty-two years to the day that Coca-Cola introduced the reformulated version of its flagship soft drink and called it "New Coke," the Coca-Cola Company today announced that after extensive market research, it has reformulated "Dasani," its popular bottled water brand.
"Our field taste tests revealed that 'New Dasani' overwhelmingly beat both the original 'Dasani' and tap water from Pittsburgh," joked E. Neville Isdell, Chairman of the Coca-Cola Company, at a gala rollout celebration held, fittingly enough, at Fallingwater, the Frank Lloyd Wright designed house built over a waterfall in Western Pennsylvania. Isdell explained that the company selected April 23 for the premiere to commemorate the "electrifying reaction" to "New Coke" twenty-two years ago.
Independent food scientists reverse-engineered the new formula, a closely held trade secret known only to a few employees of the company, and claim they've determined it consists of two parts hydrogen to one part oxygen. But Isdell warned amateur sleuths not to try this. "If they accidentally split one of those hydrogen atoms, we could have a nuclear cataclysm," Isdell said.