BUSH PROMISES 'VETOPALLOOZA'

CAMP DAVID, Md. - President Bush, shown above attempting to distract reporters while discussing a possible veto of war funding, insisted Tuesday that he will veto any bills sent to his desk by Congress that contains "anything the American people really, really want." This policy is referred to by the White House as "Don't Ask, Don't Care" (DADC). "All foreign and domestic policy issues are reviewed by the DADC staff before the it submits formal recommendations to the White House," explained a member of the DADC staff, speaking on condition of anonymity. "The DADC imprint is obvious on budget planning, alternative energy decisions, the response to Katrina, as well as major aspects of the Iraq war," he explained.

Polls showing the unpopularity of the war drove the DADC recommendation that the president veto any war spending bills if they contain a timetable for withdrawing American troops from Iraq. "It's clear the American people would really like to see some sort of an exit strategy, or at the very least some hint of any strategy whatsoever," said the DADC staff member. "But our mission is clear, at DADC we don't make the recommendations the American people want, we make recommendations the president wants to hear."