Joe Hardy to Wed Yet Again

Colorful 84 Lumber millionaire Joe Hardy will marry a 4-month-old human embryo that has recently been identified as female, a family spokesman confirmed today.

“Mr. Hardy and his new bride are clearly very happy and looking forward to their forthcoming honeymoon,” said spokesman Gerhard Noodelfuss. Noodelfuss said the couple has rented the plastic ball room at Ikea for their getaway.

The surprise engagement follows the tragic breakup of Hardy’s third marriage, which took place in Las Vegas last month but ended abruptly when the newest Mrs. Hardy was fired for failing to show up for her full-time job as a manicurist at Nemacolin Woodlands.

Citing his company’s “zero tolerance” policy for nepotism, Hardy dismissed his bride. Spokesmen were unable to say how the couple met, although Hardy credited his latest engagement to perseverance, good luck and advances in chromosome technology that made it possible to determine the gender of the embryo.