LIBERAL MOTHER RAISES CONSERVATIVE CHILD AS HER OWN

CALIFORNIA, Berkeley -- In an astonishing display of maternal instinct and selflessness, a registered and professed “far-left leaning Democratic” female has begun to suckle a newborn abandoned on her doorstep.

His mother, whom authorities do not expect to be identified, left him swaddled in an American flag and tucked in a bread basket, with a note that read only, “Please see to it that he’s raised a conservative.” Betty Budinski, 39, a stay-at-home mom who already has five children of her own along with her husband Ray, an architect by profession, says she fully intends to honor that wish.

“This mother has apparently suffered enough, to give up her child like that, and if it is her will -- or her George F. Will, ha ha ha -- that he be raised a staunch Republican, so be it. Looking ahead, we imagine there’s going to be a lot of lively discussion at the dinner table,” joked Budinski.