PITTSBURGH - The Pittsburgh Steelers have fired the computer responsible for forwarding a pornographic video to league offices earlier this month.
The computer, which once held a position on the desk of offensive line coach Larry Zierlein, left the Steeler offices yesterday without comment. A club spokesman issued a statement from Steelers chairman Dan Rooney. “We are taking steps to make sure Coach Zierlein gets the help he needs. He’ll be meeting with someone from tech support today to learn how to operate the 'delete' key. Watching pornography on your computer on work time is something I would expect from government employees, but not from our people. It would take a million Terrible Towels to remove the stain this incident has brought upon our organization.”
The spokesman said “Mr. Rooney is speaking figuratively, of course, not literally.”
Informed that his computer had been fired, Coach Zierlein became emotional. “We had a lot of good times together. When I think of those long, lonely, off-season afternoons . . . . But I’ve said too much already.”
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell issued a statement of his own. “Upon further review, and further review, and still further review, I have determined the video sent to me by Coach Zierlein is, indeed, pornographic. However, I will require additional time to study this matter, from every conceivable angle, and if possible, in high-def, before making a determination on whether a punishment is warranted.”