OUTBOUND PARKWAY EAST TO CLOSE IN CITY'S LATEST BID TO STEM POPULATION LOSS
PITTSBURGH - In the latest move by Mayor Ravenstahl to stem the tide of young people moving away from the city, the mayor announced he is closing the Parkway East this weekend. "We can at least prevent them from going to North Huntingdon, Wilmerding or other points East," said the mayor. A PennDOT spokesman who did not wish to be named said he expects the impact of closure to include "fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, forty years of darkness, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together. In short, mass hysteria."