Steelers owners annex entire area from observatory hill to the north shore
PITTSBURGH - A flood of refugees streamed across the bridges spanning the Allegheny and Ohio Rivers today after the Rooney Family announced it is taking over the entire North Side with a midnight deadline for businesses and individuals to get out.
Steelers patriarch Dan Rooney explained that the Rooney family "was left no choice" because the family's complaints have gone unheeded regarding the traffic congestion they claim will be generated by the proposed Majestic Start casino. “Look, the politicians forced our hand. We need breathing room. So everybody out!”
Rooney saved his most scathing remarks for the mayor. “Do you know who I am? I’m Dan Rooney! I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders!”
A spokesman for the Rooney family said there has been no decision as to whether their newly acquired property will be organized as a city, a state or a kingdom.