PESHAWAR - A videotape of Osama Bin Laden was played on Al Jazeera this morning in which the elusive Al Qaeda leader was seen exhorting all members to dress down on Fridays for the remainder of the summer. It was the first time Bin Laden has been seen in over a year. The undated video, which ran for nearly one minute, showed Bin Laden leaning against a rock, wearing a pair of Chino slacks and penny loafers. A sweater was tied loosely around his neck. He was holding a golf club.
“Brothers, while we must persevere in our efforts to vanquish the infidel, we must also take time for ourselves,” said Bin Laden. “At the end of a long week, the last thing you want to do is get up and put on a tie. Get yourself a nice pair of shorts, and a couple of Polo Shirts, and you’ll be surprised how much your performance at work improves.” Bin Laden went on to cite several studies from the Harvard Business School to support his remarks before the tape ended.
Intelligence officials were busy reviewing the tape and would not comment on its authenticity. One CIA analyst, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the relaxation of the Al Qaeda dress code was being used as a recruitment tool for new members. “Al Qaeda is behind the curve when it comes to these things,” he said. “Hamas offers its members up to fourteen paid vacation days, and two personal days each year. And Hezbollah sends each members family a complimentary goat at the end of Ramadan.” The official added that unless Al Qaeda completely revamped its compensation and benefits package, it could run out of terrorists within three years.