LONDON - British authorities have identified three physicians thought to be the masterminds behind the attempt to destroy Glasgow airport last week. One of the three, caught on a surveillance camera outside the airport gate, was seen running from the burning car. His voice was caught on tape yelling “Moe! Larry! Allahu Akbar! Whooo whooo whooo whooo whooo!”
An official from MI5, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said these men are dangerous, experienced practitioners of mayhem who have left a path of destruction in their wake. The official provided a chilling example. “We have reason to believe these individuals have, on numerous occasions, gained access to beautiful homes by posing as plumbers, or electricians” he said, “only to leave the residence a mere twenty minutes later a crumbling, shattered, shell of its former self.”
The suspects, identified as Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, and Doctor Howard, are believed to have spent time in terrorist training camps, where they learned how to throw pies, deliver blows to the head with plywood, and inflict maximum pain to victims by attaching pliers to sensitive body parts. Authorities are asking the public to remain vigilant. “These men are masters of disguise. With the hot weather we’re enduring, it is entirely possible they could be masquerading as ice salesmen.” Anyone with information on their whereabouts is asked to contact Scotland Yard immediately.