WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Bush granted former White House aide I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby a full pardon on Monday for perjury and obstruction of justice convictions stemming from the identity disclosure of a CIA agent. “After enduring a lifetime sentence of answering to a nickname generally reserved for fops, dolts, and the annoyingly cute, I have concluded that Scooter has suffered enough,” said the President. “I have therefore concluded that the two and a half year sentence mandating incarceration for Mr. Libby imposed by the court is excessive, and must be commuted.”
The President issued a supplementary order directing that Mr. Libby change his nickname to “something less fruity, and more appropriate for a grown man” within thirty days. Among the list of Presidential-approved nicknames were “Skip,” “Chip,” and “The Notorious L.I.B.” The order states that failure to comply with the President’s directive could result in the withdrawal of the pardon. A spokesman for the Libby family said a grateful I. Lewis had already settled on a new handle. “From this day forward, you can call him “Lucky.”
