WASHINGTON DC - Vice President Cheney has informed Congress of his resignation from the Executive branch of the United States and that he has formed a new branch to consolidate his power and influence which he calls "Giagantor." Vice Presidential spokeswoman Lee Ann McBride explained the powers of Giagantor:

- To oversee and control the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial branches of government.
- To correct any flaws it discovers in the Constitution.
- To create legislation and policy that applies to everyone in the country except Giagantor.
- To manipulate commodity prices and perhaps the weather.
- To arrange no-bid contracts for Gigantor's "peeps."
- To destroy cities.

Congress is expected to quickly challenge what Senator Edward Kennedy called "this extra-Constitutional re-arranging of the governmental deck chairs." Several Senators said Congress could deny finding to the Vice President's office or even impeach him. McBride laughed at this suggestion. "Congress has no power over Giagantor, the courts have no power over Giagantor. He is Giagantor."

Noted constitutional scholar Prof. Horace Fibula of the Harding School of Government commented on Cheney's position: "Whoa, that's really f*cked up."