WITNESSES SAY ROBERTS BEGAN YELLING "WOO, WOO, WOO, WOO, NYUK, NYUK, NYUK"
HUPPER ISLAND, Maine - Chief Justice John Roberts suffered a benign idiopathic seizure at his vacation home in Maine today, causing him to slip and fall on a dock. He immediately began spinning around like a top, shouting, "Woo, woo, woo, woo, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."
Roberts had a similar episode in 1993, at which time he repeatedly shouted, "Moe, Larry, cheese!"
The National Organization for Women issued a statement applauding the seizure and noting that "NOW would assert that this latest health episode is a sign from God in protest of Roberts' anti-woman positions on the [Supreme] Court, except that NOW doesn't believe in God."
Roberts' wife, Jane, asked the press to publicly solicit for "a qualified personal injury lawyer, preferably Jewish," to bring suit on Roberts' behalf against the owner of the dock.