WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Bush phoned KDKA’s Call for Action line this morning and asked Wayne Van Dine for help in quelling the violence in Iraq . “Despite the fact that Wayne has been retired from the station for some time now, we do make the line available for world leaders and a select list of dignitaries,” said KDKA General Manager Chris Pike.
White House spokesman Tony Snow said the President’s request was not unusual, and should not be interpreted as a sign the President is dissatisfied with the current strategy in Iraq . “The President knows that Wayne is a man who can get things done,” said Snow. “The President made the call with the full support of General Petraeus, as well as the Joint Chiefs.”
Reached at home this morning by reporters, Van Dine said he would do what he could to assist the Commander in Chief. “I told him I’d contact some of my sources in the Baath party, as well as former members of the Iraqi Republican Guard, and see if I can’t get this thing settled.” Van Dine added “I’ve cracked tougher nuts than this. Did I ever tell you about the time the borough of Edgewood refused to patch a broken sewer line because of a dispute with the borough of Swissvale? I made a couple of phone calls, and it was done.” Van Dine snapped his fingers for emphasis. “I’m going to keep the heat on all sides until the President is satisfied, and this problem is no longer a burden for him, or the American people.”