TOKYO - Governor Shintaro Ishihara has placed the entire city of Tokyo under a Godzilla Watch following two massive earthquakes that rocked the northwestern coast of the country.
A Godzilla watch is different from a Godzilla warning. A Godzilla warning means there is a possibility of Godzilla activity in your area. A Godzilla watch means the arrival of Godzilla is imminent, and citizens should take appropriate defensive measures.
“Godzilla is a notoriously light sleeper,” explained Ishihara. “The intensity of these earthquakes virtually guarantees the disruption of the monster’s slumber. And, as we have all seen time and again, when he is awakened, he is angry.”
Scientists say the monster’s anger usually manifests itself in the destruction of entire cities, with significant collateral damage visited upon the Japanese armed forces. Ishihara said he has recommended tactical changes to the officers in charge of protecting Tokyo.
“In the past, we have lined up all of our tanks in a row to concentrate firepower on the monster. However, this has only made it easier for him to crush entire divisions with one well-placed step of his enormous foot. I think we need to take a less linear approach in our battle positions.”
A spokesman for the Imperial Army said the Japanese joint chiefs have taken the Governor’s concerns under advisement. “Our primary concern right now is getting in touch with Godzilla’s mortal foe, Mothra,” said the spokesman. “That is our only chance for survival.” Attempts to reach Mothra remain unanswered at press time.