“The NFL doesn’t need to change to Arabic numbers for the Super Bowl; fans need to adapt to us,” commissioner Roger Goodell says
NEW YORK --- The National Football League, confronting confusion among fans about which Super Bowl will be held this year, announced a new numbering policy this morning.
NEW YORK --- The National Football League, confronting confusion among fans about which Super Bowl will be held this year, announced a new numbering policy this morning.
“Everybody learns the lower Roman numerals in grade school,” Commissioner Roger Goodell said in a press release. “I,V, and X are easy to remember. But now that we are well into the forties for the Super Bowls, fans are having a harder time. To assist them, we will use all Roman numerals beginning with the MMVII-MMVIII season. Fans should be able to pick it up quickly. A field goal will still be worth III, and a touchdown with an extra point will still be worth VII. Once they see an exciting XXI-XX game, they’ll realize nothing has really changed.”
Reaction from fans and players was mixed. Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward, who will now wear the LXXXVI jersey, is resigned to the change. “The league is going to do what they want. It is what it is. I just hope all those extra letters won’t slow me down,” he joked.
Local plumber Noah Swayne is not so forgiving. “This is ridiculous. I don’t want to have to think when I’m watching football. I just want to sit there and drink my beer. I think this is just a big ploy to sell millions of jerseys with the new numbers.” An NFL spokesman denied the charge, but then chuckled under his breath.
Still undecided is the fate of the San Francisco 49’ers. “The league’s owners will vote on whether they have to change to the IL’ers,” Goodell said. “People might start calling them the ‘Illers,’ which sounds too much like the ‘Stillers,’ as they say in Pittsburgh. The last thing we want to do is make things difficult for our loyal fans.”
