PITTSBURGH'S EARLY DISASTER WARNING SYSTEM FAILS PRIOR TO PIRATES' GAME, THOUSANDS SHOW UP AT PNC PARK UNAWARE CALAMITY WAS ABOUT TO OCCUR

Pittsburgh's early disaster warning system failed before yesterday's Pirates home opener, accounting for the 37,491 fans who showed up at PNC Park unaware a calamity was about to occur.

"The system is designed to alert people in the vicinity of the Golden Triangle of a pending catastrophe," explained Mayor Ravenstahl. "Therefore, ten minutes before each Pirates' home game, a siren is supposed to blare from Mellon Square, warning everyone a disaster is about to occur. Unfortunately, that didn't happen before Monday's game."

The Mayor has ordered an immediate investigation into the cause of the failure to prevent a repeat when the Pirates play again.