NAPLES - Beloved WIIC television mascot Willie the Duck was critically wounded by the Vice President of the United States this morning while walking beside a lake near his retirement home. Willie was taken by ambulance to Naples Veterinary Hospital where a team of specialists was working furiously to reattach his beak.
A spokesman for the hospital said Willie’s condition remains grave. “He’s lost a lot of feathers, and blood, of course, so we’re keeping our fingers crossed.”
Willie’s former co-worker, longtime Channel Eleven television personality Don Riggs, witnessed the shooting. “We were strolling by the water, reminiscing about the old days, when I noticed a couple of guys in the water with rifles,” said Riggs. “Willie had just finished telling me an off-color joke about Ray Tannehill when I heard the shots. The next thing I know, my partner was down.” Riggs became overwhelmed with emotion. “I cradled Willie in my arms and shouted for help,” he sobbed. “Just then, two men I recognized as Vice President Cheney and Supreme Court Associate Justice Antonin Scalia came running toward me. When they realized who it was they shot, they turned around and ran back toward the water.”
Riggs said he was going to stay by Willies bedside until he made a full recovery. He defiantly refused to change his blood-stained clothes. “Let them see what they did to Willie,” he said. “Let them see what they did to my partner.”