BAGHDAD - Overwhelmed by the responsibilities of fomenting civil unrest and fulfilling his paternal responsibilities to a trio of precocious boys, Moqtada Al-Sadr has asked Uncle Charlie to come to Iraq . “Uncle Charlie will now assume the role of primary caregiver to my three sons,” said Al-Sadr. The role was originally played by the boy’s grandfather, Bub. However, Bub drove a truck filled with one hundred pounds of plastic explosives into a crowded downtown market last month, taking his own life and the lives of two-hundred and fifteen other people. Al-Sadr said he was confident that Uncle Charlie would be able to keep his house in order while he spent every waking moment trying to drive the American occupiers from Iraqi soil. “He’s a gruff, irascible fellow, but he’s got a heart of gold. And he looks great wearing an apron.” Charlie O’Casey does not come without baggage. In 1968, he, along with members of the Manson family, was accused of the brutal slayings of Robbie, Chip and Ernie Douglas. Tried for a triple homicide, the jury voted for acquittal, but only after Uncle Charlie baked them a delicious apple pie. And there were charges, never proven, that he ran a dog-fighting ring using the family pet of a previous employer. In a 1972 interview with Good Housekeeping, O’Casey denounced those rumors. “I always hated Tramp, but I would never let another dog kill him. If anyone was going to kill that mangy mutt, it would have been me.”
O’Casey expects to arrive in Baghdad Friday morning. He anticipates having three loads of laundry completed by Friday afternoon.
