Atlanta -- A defiant Michael Vick, expected to reach a plea with Federal prosecutors Monday on charges he ran a dog-fighting ring, met with reporters this morning to discuss his future.
“In the long term, I want to get back to doing what I do best, and that’s playing football,” said Vick. “But in the short term, I want to do what I do second best, and that is training animals to fight for sport. I realize the Judge assigned to my case will probably sentence me to an extended time in prison, and I hope to make the most of that opportunity. I plan on using my time behind bars to run a cockroach fighting ring.”
Vick said he hoped to use the profits from the roach fighting ring to educate youth on the evils of dog-fighting. “I realize now that using man’s best friend to fight to the death solely for the sadistic pleasure and personal profit of a sordid few is not only criminal, but morally bankrupt. That’s why I will donate all of the cigarettes won through wagers on my roach fights to America ’s teenagers.”
Roach-fighting is a highly profitable enterprise that exists as a “subculture” in certain elements of society, most notably in tenement slums and correctional facilities.
Vick said easy access to roaches in his soon-to-be temporary home made the decision to run a roach-fighting ring easy. “Life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.”