LATROBE, Pa. - Lawrence Timmons, the Steelers first round pick in this years NFL draft, needs a groin transplant. Team doctors made the announcement following the conclusion of a battery of tests and a thorough examination of Timmons' groin this morning. Steelers Director of Football Operations Kevin Colbert confirmed the news. “If Lawrence is going to have a fighting chance in this league, he’s going to need a new groin. Without that groin, he’s not going to make it.” According to Colbert, Timmons “tweaked” his groin during mini-camp this past May. It is unclear how the tweak occurred. “The exact origins of the tweak remain a mystery. Only Lawrence ’s groin knows,” said Colbert. A request to interview Timmons groin was denied.
Minutes after news that Timmons' rookie season could be in jeopardy was made public, thousands of Steelers fans began queuing up outside the team practice facilities at St. Vincent College. “I just came to tell Coach Tomlin and Mr. Timmons that if he needs a new groin, he can have one of mine,” said David Corbett, of O’Hara. Mr. Corbett’s offer of a groin donation was greeted with applause. The large crowd, dressed in black and gold, was somber. Some fans clutched rosary beads. Many were observed with their heads bowed in prayer. Still others merely held their groins. Timmons is scheduled to fly back to Pittsburgh this evening to meet with his agent and representatives of UPMC to discuss his options. A final decision will be made later this week.
