PESHAWAR - Terrorist training camp officially opened at St. Vincent Madrassa for all one-hundred-and-fifty new and returning members of Al Qaeda yesterday, and thousands of fans flocked to the hills of this pastoral community to celebrate their return. “At least we don’t have to talk about the Pirates anymore,” said Sanji Mohammapat, of New Delhi. “We’ve been waiting for this ever since the foiled British airliner plot of last season.” Speaking to members of the media, Coach Osama Bin Laden acknowledged that last year was a disappointment, but refused to concede that some of the luster has been removed from the preeminent terror franchise in the world. “Obviously, we fell short of our goals, in terms of what we wanted to accomplish last year, but there’s no reason to believe we can’t bounce back,” said Bin Laden. “We’re still basically the same team that blew up the USS Cole, the Khobar Towers, and the Trade Center.”
Even so, Bin Laden said that no jobs are safe. “A lot of guys got complacent last year, didn’t work as hard as they should have, kind of rested on their laurels, and I think it was reflected in our performance. I’m not going to let that happen again.”
Al Qaeda has off today. Work-outs resume Friday morning at dawn. Work-outs are open to the faithful, closed to all infidels.
Al Qaeda Pre-Season Schedule
All Games Televised on the al Jazeera Network. Times and Locations TBD
Al Qaeda Pre-Season Schedule
All Games Televised on the al Jazeera Network. Times and Locations TBD
August 11th - v Tamil Tigers
August 18th - v Basque Separatists
August 25th - v Shining Path
August 31st - v Hamas
September 9th - v Oakland Raiders
