ATLANTA -- A federal grand jury today indicted Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick on nine counts of conspiracy for his involvement in a Jesus-fighting ring. Vick, who earlier this week pleaded guilty to conspiracy in connection with a dogfighting ring, was accused of pitting the savior against other deities and several Old Testament prophets and betting on the results."We found that, shortly after agreeing to plead guilty to the dogfighting charges, Mr. Vick was introduced to Jesus Christ," said U.S. Attorney Elroy Blankenship Jr.. "Federal investigators later found Mr. Christ chained to a wall in Mr. Vick's basement where he had been trained to engage in death struggles with, among others, Mohammed, Moses, Siddhartha Buddha and, briefly, L. Ron Hubbard."
Among counts in the indictment are accusations that Mr. Vick "severely beat Buddha when he refused to fight Jesus."
A federal magistrate set Thursday for a bail hearing at which Mr. Vick is expected to enter a plea of "better than you."
