PITTSBURGH --- In a hastily arranged press conference, US Airways’ CEO Doug Parker issued a full apology to Steelers fans worldwide for the paint scheme on the company’s new Steelers plane. The plane debuted last week, and almost immediately fans jammed the company’s customer service lines complaining that the familiar hypocycloids should have been placed on the right side of the plane only.
“Passengers will put up with a lot,” a disheveled Mr. Parker said today. “Flight delays and lost luggage are par for the course. But the mistake with the Steelers logo has everyone up in arms. People calling our customer service line are even blaming us for Steely McBeam, and we had absolutely had nothing to do with him.”
Raymond James analyst Bob Brenneman downgraded US Airways from “hold” to “sell” on the news. “Geez, these people are idiots,” Brenneman said. “They dominate the Pittsburgh market, and then they go and do something like this. I didn’t think it was possible for them to alienate passengers more than they have, but they somehow managed. The Steelers have had the logo on one side of their helmets only since 1962; where have they been for the last 45 years?”
CEO Parker acknowledges the outrage, but hopes the controversy will subside in a few days. “Let me assure everyone that heads will roll. We have taken the plane out of service, we’re re-painting the left side of the tail plain black, and then we’ll find out who’s responsible,” he said. Parker also confirmed that the re-painting will take place in Pittsburgh’s maintenance hangar. “At the risk of enraging fans further, I will tell you that the original paint job was done in our Cleveland facility. In hindsight, that might not have been our best idea.”