Special Report By Gloria Swanstein - Local electrical engineer Noah Swayne addressed more than 150 women at a luncheon meeting of the downtown YWCA today and revealed to his shocked audience that there was good reason for the recent sex sting operation that nabbed Senator Larry Craig. Swayne explained that "every men's room in the United States is teeming with unrestrained gay sex."
Swayne explained in painstaking detail that incidents very similar to the one involving Craig occur "hundreds of times each day in every single men's room across America." The average male who visits a public room can expect to be propositioned no fewer than three times each visit, and raped or sexually assaulted at least once every week, he said. "Each and every time we use the urinals, our penises are fondled by an average of two strange men."
Several members of the audience wondered aloud why they had not previously heard these shocking statistics. Swayne explained that there is "a code of silence among men that forbids sharing this information with women because it is unmanly to admit we are being sexually objectified by other men." Swayne noted that he fully expects to be punished by his fellow men, and perhaps murdered, for his revelations.