A certain city had two sons, and the younger son strayed far from the city and wasted his substance on dissolute and riotous living. He fought police officers, was handcuffed, then denied it; he accepted lavish gifts from companies seeking concessions from the city, and refused to admit it; he used a federal intelligence vehicle to impress his young friends, then justified his recklessness on youth and vowed to continue it; and he was more interested in meeting celebrities than the disadvantaged for whom he was charged with caring, often skipping out on meetings with minorities and women, and lying about it.
And when he had spent all, he felt empty, and he realized the general election was less than a month away, and he began to long to be in the city's good graces again. "I will arise and go to the Post-Gazette's editorial board, and will say unto them, 'Fathers, and the one woman on that board, I have sinned against heaven, the city of Pittsburgh and thee, and I am not worthy to be called thy son. Make me as one of thy hired servants."
So he rose and came to the editorial board. But when he was yet a great way off, Tom Waseleski, the editorial page editor, saw him, and had compassion. The younger son ran toward him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him: "Father, I have sinned against heaven, the city of Pittsburgh and thee --." But Waseleski interrupted him and said to his servants, "Bring forth the finest robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry, for this our son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found."
And they began to be merry. Now the city's older son was in the field, running a small company called Formation3 LLC, and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant. And the servant said unto him, "Thy brother is come; and the editorial board hath killed the fatted calf." And the older son was angry, and would not go in, so Waseleski came out, and entreated him. And the older son said, "Lo, these many years do I serve thee, Pittsburgh, and yet thou never gavest me a fatted calf that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this thy younger son was come, who hath devoured the city's riches with dissolute living, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf."
And Waseleski said unto him, "Son, thou art ever with me, but we must make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And it is for this reason that the Post-Gazette endorses him, and not you." Waseleski put his arm on his shoulder. "After all," he explained, "this is the Gospel according to Luke, not the Gospel according to Mark."