PITTSBURGH - Students and faculty at Gus Grissom High School in Gibsonia wondered why Miss Velveeta Lugosi, who has taught tenth grade English for 33 years, came to work with "the biggest smile" on her face today. Miss Lugosi confirmed it was because she had her first orgasm last night.
"I was watching A&E, of course, and all of a sudden, an advertisement appeared for a new movie. I nearly fell out of my chair when I saw it was 'Beowulf.'"
And nearly fall out of her chair isn't all she did.
At first she was perplexed by what was happening to her body. But she did some quick research, and her fears were confirmed. "It happened," she said, taking a drag on a cigarette in the faculty lounge.
The faculty has been high-fiving her all day, and her students are the happy recipients of her elation. "She said we wouldn't have any homework all week," said Brett Swayne, 15, a student in Miss Lugosi's World Literature class. "If that's all it takes to make her happy, imagine what she'd do if she was ever with a real man, like me. Hell, she might give the whole class A's."
