LONDON - Alvin, the so-called “cute” Chipmunk, was found dead in his London hotel room this morning following a night of debauchery with his German girlfriend. According to toxicology reports released by Alvin’s personal veterinarian, the singing rodent died in his bed after consuming a massive quantity of wine and nine Vesperax sleeping pills.
A representative for Mr. David Seville, manager of the beloved group, issued the following statement: “It is believed that Alvin most likely choked to death on his own vomit. Or, perhaps it was an acorn.”
The two surviving members of the Chipmunks were unavailable for comment. Several weeks ago, at the conclusion of the first leg of a concert tour through the British Isles, Simon and Theodore left for India to study transcendental meditation with the Maharashi. Mr. Seville’s publicist said they had been informed, and were in shock.
Around the world, grieving fans poured into streets carrying candles and placards in spontaneous celebrations of the life and career of the dulcet-toned woodland creature that captivated audiences for over forty years. The Chipmunk’s sold-out Christmas show at the Royal Albert Hall scheduled for tomorrow evening has been canceled.
