WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Bush has a message for Jessica Simpson: Stay away from the Dallas Cowboys, and keep out of Iraq.
The President made the statement in prepared remarks at the start of a news conference last night.
Bush, like many Dallas Cowboys fans, attributed quarterback Tony Romo's poor performance during last Sunday's game to Simpson's attendance. Simpson is Romo's girlfriend.
"It is very difficult to read the field when you're having an erection," the President explained. But the President went further and said that all U.S. setbacks in Iraq are directly attributable to Simpson. "Tony Romo had what was statistically the worst game of his career. Ms. Simpson happened to be sitting in a luxury box cheering him on," the President said. "Likewise, we have evidence that Ms. Simpson visited Iraq several months ago, and it's no secret that the United States has suffered severe difficulties in that conflict that none of our military experts anticipated. Need I say more? Jessica Simpson accounts for all our problems in Iraq. Accordingly, tonight I am ordering that Ms. Simpson not attend any more Dallas Cowboys games, and that she stay out of Iraq."
