WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Bush issued an executive pardon for the Pittsburgh Steelers defense this morning in a one-paragraph statement released by White House press secretary Dana Perrino.
“While the president in no way condones the sloppy tackling by Steeler linebackers, or inability to control the line of scrimmage by the nose tackle and defensive ends, he thinks it is in the best interest of the nation to put yesterday’s shocking home loss behind us,” said Perrino. “The President believes that now is a time for healing.”
The pardon was issued only twenty-four hours after the Jacksonville Jaguars defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in a game where Jacksonville running backs rushed for over three hundred yards. While the pardon does not change the outcome of the game, it does expunge the statistical records, thereby allowing the Steelers to retain their vaunted number one rating in the league’s defensive standings.
“I appreciate what President Bush has done for us,” said Steelers defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau. “Every defense deserves a second chance to redeem itself.”
