In the past several weeks, the wives and girlfriends of virtually every player on the New England Patriots have left their men. The women all gave the same reason: the boys are perfect on the field and in the bedroom, but they're as boring as hell."They've lost their mystique," said Gisele Bündchen, Tom Brady's ex-girlfriend who moved out last week, echoing a common sentiment. "Tom goes through the same routines night after night, like a trained parrot. He never fumbles, always hits his mark, executes perfectly. The first time you experience it, you think it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to you -- perfect, as a matter of fact. But 'perfect' over and over is predictable and dull."
Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, Troy Brown and other Patriots complain their women dumped them even though they've been perfect husbands or boyfriends. Laurence Maroney lamented that his wife left him even though "every night I blasted through a gaping hole and made a pefect run into the end zone. Sure, there wasn't much variety, but that's the price of perfection."
The ladies are unanimous in blaming Bill Bellichick, the Patriots' coach, for turning the boys into "robots." Bündchen revealed that she found Bellichick's "Official Patriots' Bedroom Playbook" in Tom Brady's underwear drawer several weeks ago. She concedes the plays are ingenious. "It made the Kama Sutra look like a children's book." But when she realized that Brady has been following the book to the letter, that's when she decided enough was enough.
"I guess it's back to the drawing board," Bellichick sighed. "Give me a week and I'll come up with some unpredictable plays so the women won't think the guys are so perfect."
