Ejaculate expected to displace oil to fuel cars by 2010; teen males to be the new SheiksFeminist writers who have provocatively pondered whether men still serve a useful purpose since women can do everything men can do and can even reproduce without a mate, are about to get an answer they may not like, and from an unlikely source.
The Congressional Commission on Alternative Fuels has released a comprehensive report that shows semen is the "most efficient, most cost-effective, in short, the perfect" raw material to produce bioldiesel fuel.
"Given the potential supply of ejaculate capable of being produced by American males," the report concludes, "by 2010, semen likely will replace oil to power virtually every American motor vehicle."
The development could work a sea change for American males, the report explains. For some, the news is a godsend: "A mother who suspiciously asks her son what he's up to alone in his room might be pleasantly surprised when he tells her that he is doing his part to reduce American dependency on the stranglehold of foreign oil," explains the report.
But it could also have wide-ranging repercussions that will require more careful study, the report cautions. "Teenage males likely will become the new Sheiks, owners of a seemingly endless supply of fuel," the report explains. "It is conceivable that they will control most of the world's wealth." The report concludes: "Somewhere there's a skinny boy with nerdy glasses who's going to be wealthier than Bill Gates."
Kim Gandy, President of NOW, is urging all women to continue using dirty fossil-fuel based products instead of semen, regardless of the cost or the harm to America, "for obvious reasons."
