BARON VON WECHT, FRITZ, TESTIFY IN WECHT CORRUPTION TRIAL

PITTSBURGH - The father and top aide of Dr. Cyril Wecht took the stand in the public corruption trial of the famed forensic scientist yesterday, and the testimony provided by both men was potentially devastating for the defense.

Baron Von Wecht, the monocle-wearing patriarch of the Wecht family, said he taught his son that bearing the Wecht name meant never having to “subject ones self” to the ordinary tasks of everyday life. “See here, young man,” the Baron scolded Assistant U.S. Attorney Stephen Stallings in a voice dripping with contempt. “My son shouldn’t have to bother with picking up laundry and tickets to the theater. Attention to trivial matters such as these only serves to keep him from his true purpose in this world: THE REGENERATION OF LIFE!”

After this outburst, Judge Schwab called a recess. When the trial resumed, Dr. Wecht’s long-time assistant, Fritz, took the stand. Mr. Fritz told the Court he often found himself working late hours in the county lab on a special project.

“Dr. Wecht was trying to create a man in his own image,” he said. Mr. Fritz said he was fired by Dr. Wecht when he accidentally dropped a glass jar containing a good brain and replaced it with a glass jar containing a bad brain. “My eyes, they aren’t so good. I figured what’s the difference, a brain’s a brain, right?” After Mr. Fritz left the stand, the prosecutor told the jury that “attempting to create a human life from assembled body parts on county time” was an affront to taxpayers and an abuse of public trust. The trial resumes Monday.