Bennington - Bert and Ernie, the comic duo who made each visit to Sesame Street a laugh-filled trip for millions of pre-school children, were joined in a civil union at City Hall yesterday. The newlyweds plan to open a bed and breakfast resort in the Green Mountains. The ceremony was performed by the Chief Justice of the Vermont Supreme Court, Thad Gould. “This has been a long-time coming,” said Chief Justice Gould. “Ernie, I’m glad you finally made an honest man out of Bert.” The steps of City Hall were packed with well-wishers and activists seeking to capitalize on the celebrity of the individuals involved to advance their own agendas. “Bert and Ernie were forced to keep their true feelings for one another bottled up in a dingy below-street flat for over thirty years,” shouted one man. “Poor Ernie spent a lifetime giving his love to a rubber ducky, because that’s what society made him do!”
Numerous friends from the old Sesame Street neighborhood attended the ceremony. Oscar the Grouch, who has been an outspoken opponent of human feelings, was clearly unhappy. “What a waste of time. This whole thing stinks worse than the bottom of my garbage can.” Mr. Grouch was pessimistic about the long-term prospects of the newly-legalized relationship. “Believe me, Ernie is really driving Bert crazy. Bert only agreed to this to shut Ernie up. It won’t be long before the cops find Ernie on the floor with Bert’s paper clip collection shoved down his throat.”
