(Outer Space) - The landing of the space shuttle Endeavour remains indefinitely postponed pending the resolution of a “gremlin on the wing” problem. Crewman Bob Wilson reported the gremlin to his fellow Shuttle astronauts shortly after the mission began several weeks ago. His constant screaming was initially a source of great irritation to his colleagues. “He kept shouting ‘There’s something on the wing!’ over and over again,” said astronaut Patricia Shaughnessy. “We thought he was having a reaction to some bad Tang.”
Tang is, of course, the astronauts' drink.
After several days, the gremlin revealed himself to the entire crew, standing on the wing holding a sign telling them to "GO TO HELL." He hasn’t moved since.
Commander Dominic Gorie said liability issues surrounding the probable incineration of the gremlin upon Endeavour’s re-entry to Earth’s atmosphere have forced him to keep the shuttle aloft. “We just don’t have the kind of funding these days that a protracted wrongful death lawsuit with the gremlin's family would cost,” said Commander Gorie. “It’s more important for us to spend our limited resources in space instead of the courts.” Commander Gorie said he had no idea how the gremlin ended up on the shuttle wing. “We do a thorough sweep of the shuttle for stowaways, monsters, aliens and gremlins before lift-off. The only thing I can think of is somebody on the inspection crew did a half-ass job.”
