(Peshawar) - Osama Bin Laden has been forced to cancel the annual Bin Laden family reunion for the seventh year in a row.
Mr. Bin Laden made the announcement in a videotape broadcast on the Al-Jazeera network yesterday.
“I have been unable to secure a cave large enough to accommodate all of us once again,” he said.
“Additionally, every catering service I contacted wanted a sizable deposit before they would agree to accept the job. As many of you know, I’m experiencing a cash-flow problem at the present time.”
Bin Laden then launched into a ten minute harangue in which he accused by name numerous family members who still owe him money for fees incurred during the last Bin Laden reunion in the summer of 2001.
“Uncle Mort, you promised to split the cost of that Slip’n’Slide for the kids. Here it is years later, and I’m reduced to calling you out on a videotape to get my fifty bucks!” he shouted.
CIA analysts have concluded the voice on the tape belongs to Bin Laden.
“At some point, in an attempt to avoid duplication, the Bin Ladens decided to have their reunions catered,” said one official, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Our intelligence data indicated a high-level of frustration with the amount of potato salad contributed when everyone was asked to bring a covered dish. Additionally, some family members were using Miracle Whip instead of mayonnaise in the recipe, which led to a number of violent incidents among those in attendance.”
Mr. Bin Laden did not say whether or not the reunion would be rescheduled.