MENDENHALL ENTERS THE CITY TO CHANTS OF HOSANNA; FANS HAIL SAVIOR OF STEELERS RUNNING GAME

(Pittsburgh) - Rashard Mendenhall, the first pick of the Pittsburgh Steelers in this past weekends NFL draft, entered the city in triumph today, with tens of thousands of excited fans laying palm fronds before his feet as he traveled down East Carson Street on his way to the Steelers South Side complex.

“I am the way, the truth, and the light,” he said. “He who believeth in me shall see a sixth Super Bowl trophy before the cock crows three times.” The furor over the arrival of Mr. Mendenhall prompted head coach Mike Tomlin to issue a statement reminding Steelers disciples of Mr. Mendenhall’s role.

“He’s a rookie running back,” Tomlin said. “Right now, he’s backing up Willie Parker.” Informed of Tomlin’s comments, Mr. Mendenhall made a brash prediction. “I will destroy the current depth chart, and rebuild it in three days, with myself at the top.”

Team officials are elated Mr. Mendenhall was available when it was the Steelers selection. “He’s the one we’ve been waiting for all this time,” said Director of Football Operations Kevin Colbert. Mr. Mendenhall said he will spend the next several days walking the banks of the three rivers speaking to fishermen, before going to work.

He said he’s aware of the pressure that comes with being a first round draft pick of the Steelers. “I know they see me as a miracle worker, and I’ll do my best, but I know the first time something goes wrong, they’ll be screaming for somebody else, and looking to crucify me.”