Milan COO Defends Unusual MBA from WVU, Admits Archbishopric of Mainz ‘Harder to Explain’

Milan Chief Operating Officer the Right Hon. Rev. Heather Bresch yesterday told reporters that her master’s of business administration from West Virginia University was legitimately earned, but admitted she “has some explaining to do” about a later degree which made her Archbishop of the German province of Mainz.

“I spoke with my advisor at the WVU business department and he said I could count my real-world experience as an executive toward 10 credits, with my role in preparing corporate reports good for another 10, and the remaining six credits I needed were given when I won the prize at Trivia Night at the Cork and Keg after one of the classes,” Ms. Bresch told reporters. She denied any political influence, either from her father, West Virginia Gov. Joe Manchin, or Milan’s influential founder, Milan Puskar, played any role in her being awarded the degree despite not having completed all classes.

Ms. Bresch admitted, however, that her later appointment by the Pope as Archbishop of Mainz was less easily explained, although she denied any intentional impropriety.

“They had this diocese open and I’d always wanted to be an archbishop,” Ms. Bresch said. “What I did was go to the Vatican secretary and he said that I could count my work in administration for part of the ordination process and that my real-world experience would count heavily toward the divinity degree.”

Later arrangements included the approval of the sale of an indulgence to raise funds for the new wallpaper at the Sistine Chapel. Ms Bresch later assigned noted liturgical speaker Johanne Tetzel to raise funds in a series of “Inspirational Nights” that also included speeches by Rick Warren, author of “The Purpose Driven Life,” as well as former LA Dodgers Coach Tommy Lasorda.

Both Mr. Warren and Mr. Lasorda were later awarded MBAs by the university, citing their real-life experiences. The university later revoked the MBA of Pirates owner Bob Nutting, who had actually attended classes at the school.

“We looked at his real-life experiences and thought they pretty well negated anything he’d learned at WVU,” said business department chairman Cletus Yetzburg.