VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI pronounced himself “extremely dissatisfied” with his flight experience during his recent trip to the United States. The Pontiff’s feelings were made public yesterday when the Vatican travel office released the results of a Shepherd One exit survey completed by His Holiness upon his return to Rome.
“I was extremely dissatisfied with the quality of my flight,” wrote the Pope in a section of the survey reserved for comments. “The pretzels I received for my snack tasted like they were made before the Second Vatican council. Even worse, my in flight movie was 'Mr. Destiny,' starring Jim Belushi. If any of you had been paying attention, you would have known I made an infallible pronouncement last year condemning Mr. Belushi as an abomination on show business.”
When asked if he would recommend Shepherd One to other Popes, Benedict replied with an emphatic “NO!”
Father David Corbett, the papal secretary in charge of travel itinerary, said it was likely Pope Benedict was suffering the effects of jet lag and fatigue when filling out the survey, if, indeed he filled it out himself. “A lot of times he give this stuff to one of us,” said Father Corbett. “That’s what he did with the Proust questionnaire from Vanity Fair and the Pop Culture grid in Sports Illustrated.” Father Corbett said the Pope had no immediate plans to return to the United States. “But I’m sure the next time he does, he’ll be flying Jet Blue.”