PITTSBURGH - Three men were castrated during Monday's Market Square rally for Hillary Clinton, bringing the total number of men neutered at Clinton rallies nationwide since the presidential campaign began to 29. This news outlet does not identify victims of castrations at Clinton rallies.

"It was scary when word about the three guys spread throughout the crowd," said Noah Swayne, 22, a Clinton supporter at the rally. "We all figured that the guys who got snipped must have been asking for it."

Lt. Governor Catherine Baker Knoll explained that men need to be vigilant at Clinton rallies. "They shouldn't walk alone and they should be accompanied by a woman at all times," said the Lt. Governor. "I don't want to say these three particular dudes asked for it, but these three particular dudes probably did ask for it," she explained. "They probably can't stand women," she smirked. "I'm only kidding about that last part -- it's just something we say in the Clinton campaign to pass the time."